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peter.
objectivity doesn't exist here.
pke
*waves*
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pke
Sometimes I forget how stupid I was at age eighteen. Maybe in ten years I'll think I was stupid right now.

Hi, LiveJournal! Hope this post finds you well.

Tags:
Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: amused amused

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pke
Hello there. Just thought I'd log into LiveJournal after all this time.

BTW...Pandora.com is a really freakin' cool website (it's kinda like last.fm but in a nice, small flash interface. No downloads or anything. Yay.)

Tags:
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: cold cold
Listening to: Tito Puente - Con Alma

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pke
Just for you guys, I've archived a number of "Real Men of Genius" and "Real American Heroes" Bud Light ads.

http://peterelsesser.us/budlight/

Enjoy.

Current Mood: chipper chipper
Listening to: Real Men of Genius

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pke
My ongoing legal battle with the Superior Court of Los Angeles County has finally come to an end. After extorting $186 from me, the court took 4 months to reach a decision and let me know about it.

The vedict? Guilty. Traffic school OK. You owe us $46.

"Officer" Raymond Hsu (ID# 3775) actually took the time to write a response to my allegations that he cited me by setting up an illegal speed trap. Of course the court won't tell you WHY they reached their decision, or even what the officer wrote in his response. You're guilty. Take traffic school. Give us more money.

Yes, I'm bitter. Yes, I'm pissed. Yes, I exceeded the posted speed limit.

Traffic enforcement is a fucking joke. It's simply a revenue enhancer for the city, and with the exception of getting drunk drivers off the road, it does little to make our lives safer.

Ugh.

Current Mood: pissed off pissed off

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pke
So months have gone by since I initially fed the rumor mill about our dear Ms. Sweet's upcoming video. First I have to make a correction: Sweet's new project does NOT involve Tera Patrick. Misinformation always comes packaged with hearsay.

We now have the definite truth: Jessica Sweet no longer exists.

Which brings us to a certain press release...

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Britney Rears is coming to a city near you!

X-Play, the production company owned by Jeff Mullen and Scott David has entered into a distribution deal with LFP’s VCA label for the debut of Britney Rears...

The lifestyle movie features Britney with her sexy girlfriends doing what superstars do naturally. Limos, private Gulfstream jets, beautiful mansions, concert footage and hot, youthful hardcore sex are packed into an appealing package that has all of the indications of becoming a hugely successful title...

“We’re having fun with Britney and our potential audience is worldwide. We will market full force including some big VCA advertising including the full page ad in the February issue of AVN”, Mullen remarks.

Peter Reynolds, vp of sales and marketing for VCA Pictures commented, “I really love this project. Britney is a knockout and this is the total package. We’re going to really have some fun with this project”.

Check out ‘Britney Rears: Wild Back Stage Sex Party’ in stores March 8th from X-Play/VCA.


In true cheesy porno style, the young, naturally large-breasted Jessica Sweet has been reinvented as Britney Rears, a "pop star/porn star". Apparently this name change has also allowed X-Play to market her as a newcomer to the industry, but forum and blog activity on the internet finds that Jessica Sweet fans know what's up. Some apparently don't like the name change and prefer her old stage name over the new image. On HeyFreak.com one visitor quips about the new identity:

Yeah, it suprised me. I'm a big fan of Jessica's I.R. scenes. I don't dig the new name, though. Just to [sic] stale...

This got a response from a poster who used the name "Tiffany" but claimed to be Rears herself (I'm not going to bother with the [sic] here, all the speeling erorrs are her's:

This is Britney Rears. Please let me explain what is going on in my life. I was Jessica which was nothing in the industry and I got an oppirtunity to become something a star. I changed my name to Britney Rears and ever since than Im becoming more popular and making more . I had a lot of experiences which where not good as Jessica. Thats a part of my life I want to put in the past. The industry names aren't real so if I want to change my name to Britney Rears become a star and make more than its better being Britney Rears and I only wish it would have came earlier in my life. For years to come I will be known as the famous Britney Rears porn star. Love yea all Britney In conclusion, Jessica doesn't exist there is only Britney Rears. There will only be Britney .So, here I come world!!

Over at HeyFreak sister site Candy for Nerds, more complaints were voiced...

Here's cutie Britney Rears, formerly known as Jessica Sweet. Who the hell names these girls, anyway? I thought Jessica Sweet was a cute name. Britney Rears? Augh, I think it's a bad move on her part.

Of course, most people probably don't care what the fuck she calls herself, as long as they get to keep watching her get fucked, right? Right.


Poster "craig" quipped, "This Girl is so hot. The name is a disaster."

And finally Britney offered some last words in a posting that seemed a bit more legit than her last...

Hey guys!

I was cruising around the net and saw that you had my picture up. It was great to meet you at the AEE Mike, and thank you for taking a good picture of me.smile

Come by my website at britneyrears.com, because I have a trailer, a photo gallery of me and my girlfriends and a download of my theme song, "I Wanna Get Laid" all on there for your solo pleasure.

Who knows, I just might be in YOUR town soon, when I start my 30 stop signing tour.

OOOOXXX,
Britney


You heard it right. Theme song. A novelty song is part of the Britney Rears package, with tactful, thought-provoking lyrics like "My name is Britney, my tits are real / All of the boys wanna cop a feel / My ass is tight and my hair ain't real / Lip synching songs, got a record deal".

Nice.

Check out BritneyRears.com for the song and movie trailer.

More as this story develops.

Listening to: Kill Bill Vol. 1

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pke
Via News.com.com...

How gory is that game? [link to article]
By David Becker
Staff Writer, CNET News.com

A coalition of religious and family groups criticized video game makers Tuesday for creating products that allegedly glorify murder and hate crimes--and slammed retailers for selling such games to minors.

A group led by the Interfaith Center on Corporate Responsibility, an investor advocacy group, released its list of the 10 most violent games as a warning to parents about to set out on holiday shopping expeditions.

"Unwary parents and grandparents need to know there are certain violent games that should be off-limits to children," said Sister Pat Wolf, executive director of ICCR, singling out games such as "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" that reward players for killing and looting characters. "These are the kind of values a serial killer might embrace," she said.

Aside from "Grand Theft," the list includes recent best-sellers such as "Halo 2," "Doom 3" and "Half Life 2." The report also singled out "America's Army," a free game distributed by the U.S. Army as a recruiting tool. Wolf criticized it for being available to users regardless of age.

"JFK Reloaded," a controversial new game that re-enacts the assassination of John F. Kennedy, came out too late to make the list but attracted comments during a Tuesday ICCR press conference to promote the report. New York City Councilman Eric Gioia said the game is an extreme example of what's wrong with the game industry. "I couldn't believe someone would choose to make money on something as scarring to the American psyche as this," Gioia said.

The report goes on to criticize the ratings system devised by the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) to label potentially objectionable games, saying the system is too vague and enforced haphazardly at best by retailers.

Gioia said his own research showed retailers made no efforts to prevent preteens from buying games rated "M" (intended for players 17 and older) in the vast majority of cases. "An investigation I conducted last year showed a minor could walk into almost any store selling video games in New York City and purchase them without difficulty," he said.

Retail trade group the Interactive Entertainment Merchants Association said in a statement that retailers are committed to enforcing ESRB ratings and are demanding identification from young buyers. "It is our belief that it is quite simply too early to assign a grade to the retailers' enforcement policies," the IEMA said in a statement, "but that if a grade need be assigned out of habitual ritual, nothing less than an 'A' is worthy of their collective efforts over the past 11 months."

Digital agenda

Contributors to the report also criticized the ESRB ratings themselves, saying they're too vague and are mainly intended to shield game makers from criticism. "Adults need to understand game makers and retailers simply are not on their side," Wolf said.

The ESRB released a report Monday highlighting a self-commissioned survey that found more than 80 percent of parents considered the group's ratings appropriate and helpful. "As confirmed by the study just completed, the ESRB rating system is an extremely effective tool for the millions of consumers who rely on it as they shop for entertainment software for their families," Patricia E. Vance, president of the ESRB, said in a statement.

Other groups contributing to the violent-games list went further, calling on retailers to apply the same criteria to games they apply to other media. Dr. Martha Burk, president of the Center for Advancement of Public Policy, noted that leading retailer Wal-Mart bans sexually explicit magazines and CDs but continues to sell "Grand Theft Auto" games.

"The retailers have standards for other products," Burk said. "Would Wal-Mart sell a board game where a player has to have sex with a prostitute to move forward four spaces and then kill her to move forward another six spaces? I don't think so."


Hey, whiney, bitching parents...THERE'S A PERFECTLY GOOD VOLUNTARY RATINGS SYSTEM IN PLACE. That's all you need. It's NOT a company's responsibility, it's not a store's responsibility to shield your children. Do you know who's job that is? YOUR'S. So quit fucking whining and make sure you know what your kids are playing and that it fits with the standards and morals that you want to impress on your family. Don't ask someone else to be the nanny for you.

End of rant.
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pke
Bored here at work...some guy is on NASA's satellite channel right now with dark grey hair and this pure white moustache...it looks like he just gulped down a tall, frosty glass of milk. Mmmm...milk.

In other news, I blew some cash on eBay and will be automating parts of my bedroom in the coming weeks. Think voice recognition and motion sensors. More details later.
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pke
The moment you've all been waiting for!

That's right, kiddies...

Diabolic Digital presents, in association with peteronline.net...

Jessica Sweet and Demi Marx in 2 on 1's Volume 16.

HEY! If your friends want copies, burn CDs for them instead of telling them to download it here!

RealMedia [150k, 34.9 MB] [750k VBR, 171 MB]

If you want the 750k high quality file, get in touch with me.
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pke
Stolen from a meme posted by Lisa (mujerpower03) and modified for all the things that apply to me.

You know you're from LA when...
You're driving on the 101 and see a clear cut definition of where the smog begins and ends

You're sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day

You begin to "lie" to your friends about where you are (i.e. "Yeah I'm like 20 minutes away") - when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there).

You eat a different ethnic food for every meal

You know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.

Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".

You've inadvertently learned Spanish. I can vouch for this one.

In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.

You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean.

If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.

You can't fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.

You know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny. Okay, so her name was spelled "Destyne," same difference.

You've partied in Tijuana at least once.

You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.

You've ever bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp.

You think that Venice is a beach.

Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

You have a favorite Thai restaurant.

You think Johnnny Rocket's is an accurate depiction of a diner.

You eat pineapple on pizza.

When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: "With/Without traffic."

You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "310."

You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.

Your cell phone has left a permanant impression on the side of your head.

Everyone you know has 3+ phone numbers. Home, Office, mobile, pager, two-way, voicemail.....

It is not unusual for your waitress at a restaurant to have blue streaked hair, a dragon tattoo and tounge piercing.

You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake. Your reply: "That ain't even a 5-pointer" and go back to sleep. Actually, I sleep through them.

You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill". It don't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.

Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.

You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, "They fuckin' better not be blocking my parking space."

You have to yell at your bank teller through a 2 inch thick wall of plexi-glass. This holds true at the DMV office as well.

That last one goes for your local convienience store man, too.

You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50.

You personally know at least 5 people with agents.

You personally know at least 3 people who have been in a movie or TV show.

You know what In 'N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any. YES!

You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.

You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.

You've gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house. Well, actually a "park between these hours and you'll get a ticket you bastard!" zone.

You say you live in LA when really you live in a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of southern LA.

You really can never be too rich or too thin.

The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.

The workday starts at 10am...or whenever you get out of your therapy session.

Any invitation comes with, "Starts at 8pm or as soon as you can get through traffic."

You call 911 and they put you on hold.

The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.

All the "cool gyms" allow pedestrians on the street a full-view of those working out. Literally, you can’t drive by Wilshire without staring into L.A. Fitness. Perhaps a new form of window shopping?

The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.

Bars card. For real.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Los Angeles.
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